12 December 2007
Everyone will have not just a driving licence, but a public transport licence.
Classes will be taken from early childhood in the correct way to behave on public transport, and anyone found breaching those rules will be given points on their licence, much in the same way points are awarded from breaches of the driving rules.
When a significant number (say, 12) points are gained on the licence, you lose it for a period (say, 2 days), during which point you are banned from using public transport, at which point the slate is wiped clean and you start over again. Kind of.
If you rack up more points, then the banned period increases second time around, and you are forced to go back to public transport class, to relearn the rules, before being allowed back on public transport.
Children will therefore be expected to:
Sit properly on seats.
Not kick other passengers.
Not loudly comment on other passengers.
Not spit, throw things, play loud music through their mobile phones without headphones or otherwise annoy other passengers.
Adults will be expected to do the same, with the following additions:
Not climb over other passengers if they are in the window seat, especially when everyone's getting off the bus anyway because it's the end of the line.
Not play the passive aggressive elbows game, attempting to get as much of the seat as possible, leaving the person with the aisle seat in serious danger of landed on their arse in the gangway.
When the bus stops at the end of the line, wait a damn minute until passengers have exited instead of going against the flow of traffic to collect a large suitcase from the luggage rack, when on arrival at said luggage rack, no room is available to remove said suitcase until everyone has exited the bus anyway.
Not eat fried chicken or any other smelly or messy food.
If male, not sit with legs akimbo. You do not have balls the size of melons.
Move bags immedately to ground level when boarding public transport, as opposed to keeping them at shoulder height to bash the faces of those lucky enough to get a seat. I know you're pissed off you didn't get a seat, but that's just the way it goes sometimes. Passive-aggressively injuring people with your possessions is not going to get you a seat any faster.
Apologise if, when things are particularly busy, you jostle, stand on, pull the hair of, or otherwise infringe the personal space of another passenger unintentionally.
Not stand blocking the door so people cannot enter or exit safely.
Wash, and wear deodorant.
Not stop dead immediately upon entering or exiting any form of public transport.
Not stop dead immediately on the stairs exiting any station. Your mobile phone messages are not that important. They can wait until you get clear of the stairs.
Move right down inside the fucking carriage, asshole. Other people have places to go and people to see too.
And can I add - Not use wheely suitcases unless you can pick them up and put them down without stopping abruptly at the top and bottom of any staircases.....
Most of those I write off as "People are jerks, and nothing will ever stop them from being so".
Except the stopping dead for no reason and blocking the way thing. That *really* gets on my nerves for some reason. And they look at you funny when you steamroll past them, as if the world would happily wait inside the frickin' ticket barrier while they figure out which of the two platforms they need to be on. (It's not tricky, trust me.)
This is by far the best idea I've seen in this month.
May I join in?
:-)
''Do NOT chew, the atmosphere of cattle transport is convincing enough without the addition of audio visual gum enhanced effects''
'' Do NOT pick worryingly at flaky parts of your anantomy nor chew off hangnails, munch on you fingers...etc,etc''
''Make sure your line of site follows the direction in which you are moving''
I've got more.......
Sue
xxx
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