11 June 2001
Thursday saw the UK go to the polls for a General Election. Voter turnout was extremely low and there was much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth about the apparent apathy amongst the "young" voters.
I'd like to say that I was motivated by the issues to make my way back to a place which holds many painful memories for me and cast my vote like the fine, upstanding young citizen I am, but the truth is that I went because my mother made me. Just like she's made me vote in every other election that has been held since I became eligible to vote.
So when the time came I got in the back of our shiny new car with my mother, father and grandmother and we headed along to my primary school. As we pulled into the car park and I looked at the squat building, the memories came flooding back. The only visible changes to the exterior of the building being a wheelchair ramp and a further set of wraught iron railings outside the front entrance.
It struck me as funny how small and claustrophobic the place felt once I got in through the doors. The office on my left, where I would go every day to collect my meal and milk tickets. The medical room on my right where I received two innoculations and countless plasters. The waiting area outside the office now home to an expanded collection of owls (the school mascot). Short pause to look at the boards to find out which polling place to go to. Turn left into the assembly hall. How small it seems now - how large it seemed then. Give my name to the returning officer and collect my ballot slip. Make my way into a booth. Snort with derision at the 6" difference between the ordinary and disabled booths. Look at ballot paper choices:
Immediately discount Conservative Party. Look at Labour candidate. Same guy who has won every election since 1987. Realise that my vote means absolutely nothing as the result is foregone conclusion. Discount Liberal Democratic party because I know nothing about them or their issues. Look between SNP and SSP.
Question: should I vote SNP purely because that's who I've voted for ever since I got my vote or should I vote SSP even though they have even less chance of challenging the Labour vote than the SNP have because of their position on the legalisation of cannabis for medical and personal use?
A short note for those who worry about such things:
I was brought up to obey the laws of our society. I was brought up to believe that taking illegal drugs was a bad thing. I've seen my fair share of junkies. I know several people who have dabbled with drugs and suffered no ill effects.
I just want to make something clear. In my 24 years I have never tried any type of illegal substance. Partly because of internal guilt, partly because I am allergic to so many prescription medications that I fear what would happen if I was to take something.
All that aside, in the last two years, I have found myself more and more looking for an alternative method of pain relief than that available on the NHS. Last year, while I was off work, I began to grow herbs for use in herbal remedies. I've tried (and continue to try) various aromatherapy treatments. I've tried homeopathic remedies. Nothing has been hugely successful. With the increased press that the various campaigns for legalisation of cannabis for medical use have been receiving, my thoughts have naturally turned to this.
I have mixed feelings about it. I'm in enough daily pain that I'd pretty much try anything to get rid of it, and from that point of view I'd have no qualms about trying it, and if it works, using it on a regular basis. I'm not out to get stoned out of my brain. I just want the goddamned pain to stop so that I can get back to being the fun and energetic person I once was.
The problem with this tho', is line of supply. When I was at school I knew of two or three people who were known to supply it to those who were interested. Now I've been out of school for nearly 9 years, I'm not in that position any more, and the stigma attached to it because of it's illegal status means that it's not exactly the sort of thing you drop into polite conversation.
So fear not, I have no intention of becoming a stoner or a junkie, I would just like to be able to try something which has recognised pain relieving properties without breaking the law to do so.
Realise that now isn't the time for internal debate because people are waiting to cast their vote and get home again and mark my cross in the SNP box.
Fold up paper and drop it in ballot box, have short conversation with father on how little place has changed, while trying to repress the bitter memories that come flooding back even now, more than 13 years after leaving.
Leave the building after examining the notice board containing photos of the school staff to see which faces I remember.
Wait outside while mother takes some official looking woman to task for the disabled door being locked and no-one being outside to open it. Wait some more while she speaks to the SNP candidate about the same issue, having had the official woman snot that "the door must be open because we've had people in wheelchairs in already today".
Leave school car park for what I hope will be the last time ever. I don't plan on still being here when the next election rolls around.
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