31 December 2002
... when you have a stinking cold and are very very bored.
- Build papier mache room decorations with all the snotty tissues you're accumulating.
- Count up every cough, and reward every 50th cough with a shot of Aftershock (or Tequila, Whisky, Vodka or any other head clearing spirits you have to hand).
- Make chicken soup (Take three chicken stock cubes, one and a half litres of boiling water and two chicken breasts cut into bits - boil the half an hour or so until chicken is cooked. Serve.)
- Change the channel on the TV so much that you wear off the lettering on the button.
- Go into the kitchen, take sundry items from the fridge, make yourself something to eat. Take one mouthful. Realise you aren't hungry and feel sick. Throw food out. Repeat at regular intervals until the cupboards are empty and the bin is full.
- Amuse yourself and anyone around by showing them how well you can now "do" Darth Vader.
- Arrange the latest collection of snotty tissues into interesting crop circle-esque patterns on the carpet.
- Attempt to sing along to MTV. Fail. Continue anyway.
- Find yourself inexplicably fascinated with a marathon showing of a home improvement show called "Trading Up" featuring two of the bitchiest friends of dorothy ever and Craig from the first Big Brother.
- Ride the mexican wave of music tv channels (the one where you change channels and the same song is on the next channel, having started playing two minutes after it started on the previous channel).
- Hit F5 on metafilter again, hoping that someone has posted something interesting to it in the last five minutes.
- Go to the kitchen to get some food. Remember it's all in the bin. Go back to laptop, go to tesco's and order more online. Realise too late that this means that it won't get here until the next day. Curse.
- Burn your nose with Olbas Oil because you couldn't smell it on the tissue until it was right against the skin. Swear.
- Read all the blogs on your favourites list, even the ones you know are on hiatus/dead/not there any more.
- Put copious amounts of E45 Cream on the end of your nose, in a vain attempt to stop it fraying at the edges, and to soothe the burning from the Olbas Oil. Sneeze. Reapply Cream. Sneeze. Reapply Cream. Repeat as necessary.
- Devise new variation of the cold drinking game, where each sneeze counts as two coughs, and each snotty tissue counts as three. Cut level of points required for a shot of Aftershock down to 25.
- Devise a way to prevent nose frayage by twisting the corner of a tissue and inserting it as far as possible up one nostril, and then doing the same with the opposite corner and nostril, giving yourself the look of a bull with a ring through it's nose. Alternatively, tear the tissue down the middle and insert one half up each nostril, leaving excess hanging out for retrieval, thus giving yourself the look of the above bull, this time with cartoon steam coming from it's nostrils. Name this invention "The Snotcork". NB - remember to breathe through your mouth while doing this.
- Go to weblogs.com and work your way down the list of recently updated weblogs, including all the foreign language blogs.
- Read all of your flatmates girlie mags (no, not that kind of girlie mags), Tatler, Cosmopolitan, etc. Wonder why you don't do any of the stuff written about in the magazine. Look down to verify that you still are, in fact, still at least technically female.
- Go to televisionwithoutpity.com and read the recaps of all the episodes of your favourite TV shows that you've seen.
- Whine to your friends on IRC that you're feeling crap, in an attempt to gain cyber sympathy. Repeat as often as you think you can, without them telling you to shut the fuck up and stop whining.
- Consider replying to those emails that have been sitting in the inbox for a while, requiring responses.
- Need to lie down as a result of contemplating such strenuous activity.
- Change snotcorks for fresher ones.
- Wail "I don't feel very well" at anyone passing, and look pathetic in an attempt to get sympathy and/or TLC. NB - the results of this can vary drastically depending on your audience.
- Watch one music channel for an hour. Make a note of each song that is played in that hour, and how many times songs are repeated.
- Start to barricade yourself into the room by building a wall with the discarded tissue boxes.
- Blog.
rofl! snotcorks and sticky tissue towers ... are you related to my son? he is SO into nasty tissue design... umm, THANKS for NOT posting any tissue tower photos :)
i so do that snotcork thing. especially when i have to be sick at work because there is no sick leave, and i really want them to know how sick i am, and that i'm only there under duress.
Yeah, and the grossout factor is good too :)
Especially if you have to deal with customers or clients :)
Sayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I think my dad has some Aftershock! hehehehe, now there's an idea!!
... the online home and (not very) alter(ed)-ego of Ann McMeekin, a recently freelance Web Accessibility Consultant.
... passionate about many things, most of which will turn up on this site at some time or other.
... contactable via email.
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