7 June 2001
They say your entire life flashes in front of your eyes when you die.
It's not really your entire life...
It's just the moments that stood out...
And they're not the ones you'd expect, either...
The moments you remember are tiny ones, some you haven't thought of in years...
If you've thought of them at all...
But in the last second of your life, you remember them with astonishing clarity...
Because they're just so... beautiful...
...that they must have been imprinted, on like a cellular level...
For me it was, lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars...
And yellow leaves from the ginkgo trees that lined our street...
Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper...
And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new GTO...
And the way I felt when Angela first smiled at me...
I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me...
but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst...
And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life...
You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure... but don't worry...
You will someday.
This is a roundabout way of saying I am consciously chosing not to vote again. Not because I don't agree with either side, I know which side I'm on, and its my side. More because, life at the moment is good and I don't feel the need to do anything heavy.
Oh, and also because I'm not registered to vote, but enjoy the Alan Ball tribute, its beautiful.
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