Going Home Again

30 October 2002

I'm going back home to Scotland again this weekend.

I was originally supposed to be going there to attend the wedding of the oldest daughter of the family who have lived across the road from us for 20-odd years, and I was really looking forward to that - I haven't seen her for a while, and she's getting married in a really lovely place in Glasgow.

Then events over the last couple of months sort of overtook me. I was threatened with eviction which meant house hunting and moving at a time that I really wouldn't have chosen to move. Obviously, this sort of upheaval means that finances tend to be a little stretched, and it had begun to dawn on me that I probably couldn't afford to go.

This has now been kind of turned on it's head, as a result of my gran being ill, and now I'm faced with a weird weekend of mixed emotions. I'm going to a wedding, which will be a tremendously happy event - asi these things should be, but on the other hand, there is the emotional impact of being back home where so many powerful reminders of my dad are still around, compounded by the knowledge that this weekend may well be the last time I will see my gran alive.

All this is further complicated by the fact that the hospital where my gran is, is currently partially closed due to an outbreak of what they charmingly refer to as the "winter vomiting bug", not to mention her having MRSA. My every instinct is to stay away from the place - but at the same time, I feel that I've got to see her. It's hard to know what to do for the best.

There are so many conflicting thoughts and emotions that at the moment, it's about all I can do to put one foot in front of the other and try and function as normally as I can.

I just can't help but remember the last time I was in the British Midland Business Class Lounge...

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I will be thinking of you.

I am going home this weekend too.

It's sad in ways, and in others, it's almost therapeutic.

melly
31 October 2002

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pixeldiva is...

... the online home and (not very) alter(ed)-ego of Ann McMeekin, a recently freelance Web Accessibility Consultant.

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