26 April 2001
With the news that Microsoft will finally be removing Clippy the Chirpy Paperclip Assistant from Microsoft Office we can all heave a big collective sigh of relief.
Who can forget some of his more memorable advice?
"To uninstall me you need a Microsoft Manager security rating or higher. NSA security clearance is not enough."
"To minimise me please input an 11 digit prime number"
"I am hard-coded to Always Remain On Top, and specifically designed to cover over any menus or toolbars you may wish to access."
"Whoops, you didn't want to click that. You have opened a porno pop-up, your mother has been notified."
"Your vocabulary isn't quite as good as it could be, your Internet Cookie information has been accessed and a complete set of Encyclopedias has been ordered from Amazon for you."
"I can morph into several different shapes. None of them easilly recognisable or at all pertaining to your query."
"Please input your search query into the above text box and I will randomly select a topic from the help file of an entirely different program, like Paintshop Pro."
I'd just like to thank Microsoft for introducing Clippy in the first place. Where better than in a professional package of Office-based applications can the comical characterisations of a bit of twisted metal have come to light? Our lives will be much better off without him. I'd like everyone to vote for the one category they haven't put up on his page;
Rusty paper-clip that's fallen down the back of the desk and nobody is desperate enough to retrieve because there're several billion other paper-clips out there that'll do the job just as well.
Maybe he'll come back as a staple.
Not sorry to see him recycled either. The Mac version was only slightly less vomitous: an old-style Mac with arms and legs that politely and excitedly waved goodbye when you told him to kiss off.
He seemed happy to leave like he was going to Cozumel for a breather.
Does anyone ever use those annoying software mascots? As soon as I see one pop up on newly loaded software, I immediately look for the "disable tutorial" option. I don't completely understand golf. But if I were watching a game I wouldn't want a guy in a goofy half-golfbag/half-man looking costume dancing in front of me and rambling on about it.
... the online home and (not very) alter(ed)-ego of Ann McMeekin, a recently freelance Web Accessibility Consultant.
... passionate about many things, most of which will turn up on this site at some time or other.
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