23 March 2004
Ingredients:
Water
Chicken stock cubes
Noodles
Method:
Cough, wheeze and complain.
Drag your pathetic and flu-ridden body in the general direction of the kitchen.
Locate the kettle. Probably the big white thing that looks faintly like a jug. Pick it up, move it in general direction of taps. Hold it under tap nozzle and turn on tap (hint: it's probably better if you open the lid first). Try not to drop the kettle in the sink because it's become heavy with all that water in it. Put kettle back on it's cradle, switch it on.
Collapse onto the floor from the effort of filling the kettle. Squeak as bare skin touches cold tiles. Remember that you threw off your pj's in the middle of the night because you were too hot. Shiver. Crawl across carpet to put on three pairs of socks, two tshirts, a fleece and the warmest pair of sloppy tracky bottoms you own.
Crawl back to kitchen.
Find pot from cupboard (hint: this is probably best done before you stand up again, because if you bend down you'll probably fall over), put it on cooker, turn cooker on.
Check that the pot is on the ring you've just turned on.
Check again.
Pour boiling water into pot.
Fumble with foil around stock cube.
Swear.
Lean against the worktop, still struggling with foil coating.
Pick up large knife and stab stock cube in fit of temper.
Squeeze contents of stock cube out through hole made in foil.
Wonder why you're bothering and just throw stock cube into pot, foil and all, figuring the water will dissolve the stock and you can fish the foil out later.
Add noodles.
Stir.
Strip off fleece and one tshirt because the exertion has made you all hot and feverish again.
Open fridge. Insert head.
Close fridge.
Open fridge again. Remove head.
Poke noodles with spoon until they seem like they might be soft.
Turn off heat.
Make sure that you actually turned off the ring that was on, not turned on the one next to it.
Check again.
Open cupboard door without hitting your head with it. Find bowl.
Attempt to spoon noodles into bowl.
Fail.
Use fork instead.
Fish out foil from bowl, burning fingers in process.
Swear.
Spoon stock into bowl on top of noodles.
Pick up bowl and contemplate going back to sofa to eat it.
Decide that's too much effort.
Sink onto kitchen floor again, this time clutching bowl.
Put bowl on floor.
Reach up and open cutlery drawer. Rummage around until you feel like you might have found something to eat the soup with.
Proceed to eat noodles with fork.
Try to drink stock from bowl when noodles are finished, but wind up dribbling it down your front.
Swear.
Put bowl down on floor.
Put self down on floor.
Say a small prayer of thanks to your deity of choice for cool, smooth tiles.
Fall asleep.
Wake up shivering and crawl to sofa.
Oh, poor Pix.
Hilarious, though. I think Anna's beaten me to the POTM nomination, but I'll definitely second it.
Aww sweetie.
But you'll have to give us an update - did you eat the foil? Did it hit your fillings? Is it really as 'sore' as I remember when I did it as a child (whaddya mean you're supposed to take the foil off a creme egg?)
It's going well then?
I'm now sending happy and healing thoughts your way...
If diarrhoea/vomiting strikes - remember that bathroom tiles are as cool and comforting as kitchen tiles - it's something I've redesovered recently.
Liked the head/fridge gag. Gave me a good laugh.
I send some more get well mojo your way. Have you thought of buying canned soup, it is much easier to fix.
Get well soon.
And you need a Jewish (grand)mother for chicken soup when you are ill.
Get Stuart to bring you some back from a Deli in New york.
bless your heart....
You need some instant soup. I wonder if they do that in the UK. Just add water and heat in the microwave...;)
*hugs*
Thats a wee shame,
Get Tesco to deliver you a flu-friendly pile of goodies!
I'm thinking: soups, airwaves, expensive tissues, milk, chocolates, ice cream, ready meals...
Poor you, there's some really nasty lurgy going round at the moment. Don't even think of stepping outside the weather is mad. Sun, rain and hail every five minutes.
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