4 September 2005
Via Annie, who wants to know how much of a Londoner I've become.
1. You say "the City" and expect everyone to know which one.
Yes, but I'm usually referring to the square mile. I also tend to refer to going into the centre of London (anywhere from Kings Cross down) as "going into town".
Half a point.
2. You have never been to The Tower of London or Madame Tussauds but love Brighton
Went to the Tower of London once, to do a photoshoot. Never been to Tussauds. Went to Brighton once, and it pissed rain.
0 points.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Shepherds Bush to Elephant & Castle at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Dorset on a map.
I don't tend to go south of the river, so that discussion is pretty much moot, cos I wouldn't have any real idea, but it's true I couldn't find Dorset on a map.
1 point.
4. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
Yup. Unless they smell really bad, or shout at me.
1 point.
5. You step over people who collapse on the Tube.
I've never seen this happen.
0 points.
6. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
Nope.
0 points.
7. You've considered stabbing someone.
Yes, but mostly not seriously.
1 point.
8. Your door has more than three locks.
2 doors with 2 locks each.
Half a point.
9. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
No.
0 points.
10. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a garden.
Nope. I'm fussy about my gardens. Also, I haven't had one since I moved to London. Terraces though, are a different matter.
0 points.
11. You consider Essex the "countryside".
No. I was brought up in Scotland. Essex is so not "countryside".
0 points.
12. You think Hyde Park is "nature".
Nope, too close to the centre of town. Hampstead Heath, yes.
0 points.
13. You're paying £1,200 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in wardrobe and you think it's a "bargain".
Nope. I work for a charity, that's the kind of bargain I just can't afford :)
However, for the same amount of rent I could live on my own in a 4 bedroom detatched house in my home town.
Half a point.
14. Shopping in suburban supermarkets and shopping malls gives you a severe attack of agoraphobia.
No, it just makes me feel like I'm back home, which tends to make me want to get away from there as quickly as possible.
Half a point (because they make me want to run away, just for different reasons).
15. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the UK pay in rent.
Don't have a car.
0 points.
16. You pay £3 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.
Don't drink beer. Have got used to paying more than a tenner for a small round of drinks though.
Half a point.
17. You actually take fashion seriously.
Have you seen me in person?
0 points.
18. You have 27 different take-away menus next to your telephone.
Nope. There are 3, on a cork-board in the kitchen.
0 points.
19. The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.
It was, but then I started spending time in Reading. I even went to Wales (briefly) earlier this year.
0 points.
20. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
God yeah, but I had that before I came to London.
1 point.
21. Your idea of personal space is no one actually physically standing on you.
Yup. Not having my head in some blokes unwashed armpit counts too.
1 point.
22. £50 worth of groceries fit in one plastic bag.
Only if you shop in Waitrose.
Half a point.
23. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
Don't tend to take cabs, so I've got maybe 2.
Half a point.
24. You don't hear sirens anymore.
Mostly because I now live in the semi-burbs and they're not so common out here, so I hear them more. When I lived in Holloway though, I did find myself blocking them out.
Half a point.
25. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air/water quality and what it's doing to your insides.
Never thought about it to start off with.
1 point.
26. You live in a building with a larger population than most towns.
Not now, but I used to.
Half a point.
27. Your cleaner is Portugese, your grocer is Somali, your butcher is Halal, your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, your laundry guy is Philippino, your bartender is Australian, your favourite diner owner is Greek, the watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was African, your newsagent is Indian and your local English chippie owner is Turkish.
Ish. Cleaner is Polish (shush, it was Eva's idea), newsagent and grocer are both Indian/Pakistani, chippie owner is indeed Turkish, don't have a butcher, deli guys are eastern european or middle eastern, and the last regular bartenders I had were English and Polish.
1 point.
28. You wouldn't want to live anywhere else until you get married.
I have no plans to go back to "the provinces", and I have no plans to get married.
0 points.
29. You roll your eyes and say 'tsk' at the news that someone has thrown themselves under a tube train.
For half a second, yes, then I feel sad that they were so damaged that they would firstly, commit suicide, and secondly, do it in such a traumatic way for the train driver.
1 point (but I feel guilty for it)
30. Your day is ruined if you don't get a copy of Metro on the way to work.
Nah, I don't have a journey long enough really.
0 points.
Result:
12 and a half out of 30, but a lot of the questions didn't apply.
I'm amazed that so many people's chippies are owned by Turks.
Re 17, having seen you in person I would dispute your answer ;-)
But 12.5 out of 30 - good score, means you're not quite a Londoner yet, so you've got many more happy years here, till you "become" one!!!
You obviously still have personality and compassion, don't lose them Pix, love you the way you are :)
Wrong on all counts. Real Londoners just ignore these polls and get on with it ;-)
I think the following misquote of an old saying sums up all my feeling about London..
"when you're tired of London, you're tired of strife"
but the question i keep asking myself: is there life after London?
:)
I was supposed to be working, but figured 20 minutes answering this questionnaire was a better way to spend my time.
... the online home and (not very) alter(ed)-ego of Ann McMeekin, a recently freelance Web Accessibility Consultant.
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