6 August 2006
It's late. I've been up longer than usual for a Sunday, and I've had a long day, but despite being tired, I'm not sleepy, and anyway, I have a post to write.
My mind jumps from topic to topic, rejecting each one as not quite right, based on that moment's utterly random criteria.
The fan hums softly in the background, competing only slightly with the TV, which is tuned to BBC3's new drama series, Sinchronicity, which is actually really rather good.
I'm more listening than watching, staring at the Movable Type new entry screen, which has an empty text box needing to be filled, when the sounds of simulated sex catch my attention and make me look at the screen, and there it is.
The slip.
I recognise it, because I have one just like it, and it's utterly surreal watching a TV character wearing something you own (although this case is slightly better than the previous time, when I immediately threw out a jumper because I walked into the room to catch sight of Eastenders and was horrified when Patsy appeared wearing my jumper...).
She moves on top of her boyfriend, and I remember how the material felt against my skin when I wore it.
I remember how the material felt between my finger tips when I spotted it on the rack, in a shop in Paris, and the subtle irony of going to the City of Romance, known for it's fancy pants, and buying lingerie I could just as easily have bought if I'd cared to talk a wander down Oxford Street.
I remember it especially because it was something quite different from something I'd normally buy, but something about it just wouldn't let me walk away without buying it.
I remember putting it on for the first time and feeling fabulous...
... and then I remember why I no longer wear it, for any length of time, or for actually sleeping in.
I wonder if she was wearing it long enough to discover it's fatal flaw.
Static?
Or too slippy for words, and when you jump into bed wearing it, you slide right out the other side?
You can't just leave us hanging!
For reasons left to your imaginations , my wife and I once bought a silk bedsheet.
Add in her silk slip and... as Lyle says... WHOOOSH.. THUMP..
Not the most romantic/sexy image, and lead to me getting thumped round the head with a pillow.
Still, it stopped me laughing hysterically..
Ah good, glad I'm not the only person who knows someone that happened to, Gordon.
And yes, it is very funny when it happens.
Good guesses, all, and while static is a little bit of a problem in the wrong combination of circumstances, and slipperyness would be an issue if I had any silk or satin sheets, that's not the fatal flaw.
No, the fatal flaw is that in designing this garment, they've designed it for someone who has no boobs.
Where there should be carefully constructed cups, designed to, well, cup one's norkage, there is, instead, triangles of fabric which are no use to anyone with anything more than an A cup.
Therefore, one of two things happens:
1) after having carefully arranged one's boobage to show it to it's best advantage, there comes a point where one has to move, which is where the wheels fall off the wagon. The stuff slides, and before you know it, the triangles slide upwards, the boobs go downwards and it does nobody any favours, making even the perkiest of the perky look like gravity's been a particularly cruel mistress.
2) if you've managed to deal with that particular issue and get as far as attempting to sleep in it, odds are that at least once during the night you'll wake up with one, if not both, boobs hanging out, which wouldn't be so bad, except for the narrow straps behaving not unlike cheese wire, threatening to cut off the escaping nork... and that's not even getting into the details of the potential for disaster when you add piercings and moving in the wrong way into the mix...
Ah, thanks Pix for some truly epic mental images.
[goes off for a cold shower]
ROFLMAO! Epic imagry indeed!
... the online home and (not very) alter(ed)-ego of Ann McMeekin, a recently freelance Web Accessibility Consultant.
... passionate about many things, most of which will turn up on this site at some time or other.
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