30 August 2006
I had big plans. I was going to write 30 posts in 30 days. I'd been planning to do it for years. It was going to be a challenge, sure, but I was confident I could do it.
But life, as it has a habit of doing, got in the way, big style, and I'd underestimated just how much energy it would take. Energy that sadly, this month I just haven't had.
More than anything, this month has been a month of adjustment. Of rationalisation. Of frustration. Of sometimes having to give in and accept that sometimes, matter wins over mind and I can't do everything that I want to do.
In some ways this has been a quiet month, but in others, it's been incredibly busy.
I've travelled hundreds of miles and spent more than 24 hours sitting on (various) trains (although not in one go). I've done things this month that I've never done before, and it's given me a sense that despite everything I've actually achieved some stuff this month, even if it wasn't everything I wanted to achieve.
I had lots of things I wanted to write about - things I started to write about, but for one reason or another, the posts didn't get finished. Sometimes because it was just too emotionally difficult and draining, sometimes because I couldn't find the words, sometimes because I just didn't have the energy.
My birthday is tomorrow. In a few hours I'll no longer be in my 20s. I suppose I should be feeling ready for celebrating, but to be honest, it's the last thing on my mind. I have no celebratory anything organised for tomorrow night, which is just as well, because I really don't have the energy for it anyway.
More than not having the energy for it, I'm not particularly in the mood. My beloved Fredcat is terminally ill and failing fast, and although I'm glad I got to see him over the weekend, I feel awful that I won't be able to be there to hold him when the Vet does what's necessary on Friday.
I know he's a cat, and not a person, but for 13 years, his wee furry face has been there to greet me when I got home, even if I haven't been home for months. When I was home at the weekend, he barely left my side - sleeping on my bed most of the time, and, when he figured it out, in my case.
I'm really going to miss him.
So tomorrow will be a quiet day. I'll be at work, doing what I can, and then I'll come home and have a quiet evening, and I'll wait for the bleeping of my phone that'll indicate that my sister has gone into labour and that I'm about to become an auntie.
Now that. That'll be something that'll really be worth celebrating.
Well let me be the first to give you a *hug* for... well... pretty much everything.
Awwwww...Ann...wish I was there to bake some cookies and offer you a mug of hot chocolate and Kahlua.
I'm so sorry to hear about Fredcat - I know just how hard it is to lose a pet that you love so much.
I realized when I was watching the news tonight that it is your birthday - I hope you did something to celebrate, even if it was curled up in bed enjoying a good show on the telly and some good food and wine. Sending you much love...
Happy Birthday.
Here's hoping that the year ahead is a good one.
re: Auntie. Well, unless it's a boy. In which case you'll be an uncle, obviously...
re:Fredcat (nice piccie BTW). You have my deepest sympathies. Just because an animal isn't human doesn't mean it can't be part of your family. My current pair of kitties are only about 3 1/2 but my mam's had the same two cats since I was 15 so they're 16 now and really starting to show it, and before that I had a cat I grew up with called Tiger who I still miss. Although like I said on Molly's blog when her cat had to go, when my two year old looked at a photo of the cat that I found and said "That's Tiger" it made me wonder if he was still around somewhere...
But it's probably Fredcat's time to rest - otherwise he'd only get his tail pulled by little nieces or nephews.
Oh yes, and happy birthday. Apologies for forgetting about that!
It must be a real bummer being born on the last day of the schoolyear therefore (theoretically) making you the very youngest in the class. Still, you can remind yourself that all your class mates have reached 30 before you.
I've enjoyed 30 in 30, even if it was 30 paragraphs not 30 blogs. Thoughtful, revealing and brutally honest, not many people can say that.
Today is the International Day of the Blog where all blogs are asked to link to 5 others, if I had one Pixeldiva would be top of the list.
Hope today goes well, pity I can't be there in person to give you a cuddle, but, Happy Birthday, and many more of them.
*hugs* re FredCat, and hope you have a good birthday, what with one thing and another.
Sorry to hear about Fredcat. :(
Whatever happened to Mr.Cat?
I hope you have a lovely birthday even if you have nothing special planned. Do something that makes it feel like a special day for you, even if that means cuddling up with a good film or something.
Your parcel should be in the post tomorrow, so hopefully you will have a belated birthday present to open at the weekend.
Happy happy happy birthday! xxx
Happy Birthday. You'll be a wonderful Aunt :)
p.s. I really wanted to put xxxx at the end, but changed my mind, being a geezer and all that.
Chz: "Whatever happened to Mr.Cat?"
Mr. Cat, sadly, appears to have disappeared. We think he may have died.
Happy Birthday! So sorry to hear about Fredcat though.
Happy Birthday!
So sorry to hear about your puss and hope you have a good day today.
Its always horrid when a pet passes on. I'm feeling blue about a friends dog reaching the end of its life.
I few years ago a very close friend lost his beloved Golden Retriever, George.
As we sat around the fire enjoying a beautiful summer evening, another friend emerged from the house with a full glass of wine for each of us. She began to tell the story of when she lost her Maggie Girl. She was away at college in Virginia when her parents called to say poor Maggie Girl was gone. They were flying into visit the next day and would tell her all about it.
The evening her parents arrived the found themselves so sad at Maggie Girl's passing that they decided to console themselves with a bottle of wine. They walked to the campus liquor store and returned with a bottle of Old Blue ~ a horrible and disgusting bottle of wine :)
Regardless, they drank the entire bottle of Old Blue in honor of Maggie Girl.
So that evening, in honor of George we raised our glasses of skunky Old Blue. It was a lovely story and speech, and a wonderful tribute to a friend.
Let me know where to send it, and I will send you one awful bottle to honor Fredcat :)
I'm sorry about FredCat.. Bt I hope you had a good birthday how ever you celebrated..
Excellent set of thought-provoking and touching posts ....
Sorry to hear about fredcat too, thats really sad :(
See you soon i hope. Alan x
Oh no, poor Furry Fred cat, actually he is ok now so really it is poor you. I am still mourning both my animals but coming to terms with the fact that now I am so much older, these short lived friends just keep dropping like flies. I suppose that's exactly what life is all about, dealing with or avoiding the inevitable. Friends with kids have scorned people like me that mourn an animal and don't get over it in a second. Is that because they feel in a secure place from which they can scoff? Their 'genes' living on forever through their children and God forbid we should anthropomorphise our furry friends as this is a direct insult to the importance of their parental love. Do they realise that their way of protecting their young is proof of animal instinct and that our love of animals is what makes us so human? Confused Ann? Will explain everything when I see you! Hope you enjoyed your birthday, 30 was my favourite age and being in my 30's was the best ever, I'm envious you get to do that now, just savour every moment! Me, I'm 42 this month, how did that happen? One day I'm just out of my twenties the next I'm on the road to 50 (well in 8 yrs time)and totally invisible to the people who I still have something in common with (i.e. people in their 20's and 30's as I don;t do middle age that well)
So beutifully said. He will have a place forever in my heart. In November I am hoping to be found by another furry friend who give unconditionl love and companionship. It will never replace Fred or his twin brother, Spike, but will create its on place in my life.
Oh Diva...
I'm sooooo sorry about FredCat - we've been through losing our old guy recenlty, and I know it's impossibly hard. I'm sending all my good energies.
Sorry I missed your birthday, but despite everything I hope you had a good day!
I've enjoyed what you've written for your 30 in 30 days project. Great memories. All of your posts were wonderfully written.
I'm very sorry to hear of your beloved cat, may you have many beautiful memories of him as well.
Happy belated birthday to you!
Looking forward to hearing all about you becoming an auntie...
... the online home and (not very) alter(ed)-ego of Ann McMeekin, a recently freelance Web Accessibility Consultant.
... passionate about many things, most of which will turn up on this site at some time or other.
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